Apply dating rules to co-founder relationships for startup success
You’re launching a company that is going to drive positive change in the world, completely disrupt competitors, and accrue wealth and prestige as a side bonus. You have a partner that has been a springboard for the vision and a team that provides the technical expertise you need. You’ve successfully pitched to investors, you have capital, and now you’re really digging into the growth and commercialization phase. With all the important things on your plate right now, have you stopped to think about the health of your cofounder relationship?
According to Michael Seibel [1], a Y Combinator partner and CEO of the YC Startup Accelerator program, there are 5 top reasons why startups fail post seed rounds:
Not finding the right product market fit. Just because you succeeded in landing the initial $1-2M does not mean you have market fit.
Listening to investors, rather than your customers. Your customers are the ones whose views need to be the most important! Listening to investors also gives them power over you, so be careful about maintaining boundaries.
Copying other startups around you, but expecting extraordinary results.
Inefficient product development. Not having a process for deciding what product specs to pursue, not involving the right team members, and not staying aligned to user needs will stall the next feature release.
Co-founder conflict. Combine a lack of trust, no clear roles & responsibilities, and unrealistic expectations and you’re left with major in-fighting or zero communication.
In this article we are going to dive into co-founder conflict. Startups fail because they don’t have the right people, but could it be that they didn’t invest in the health of their work relationships? We know that motivation amplifies talent, so as the leader, it’s important that you remain fired up about the work. Let’s dive into research-based approaches to relationships from the Gottman Institute [2] to see how their dating rules for couples can help you and your co-founder succeed.
Whether you know your co-founder from school or don’t have a previous relationship at all, there are 6 key questions that can help you build the necessary confidence in each other that will prevent explosive conflict. Test out these conversations together in a safe space; one that is dedicated to checking in rather than solving work-related problems.
Trust & Commitment
1. How do we express trust and commitment to each other as co-founders?
Without trust how can you know that the other person is reliable and will keep their word? Perhaps you have already had instances where you felt like you couldn’t trust your co-founder - these are important to talk about! Don’t let past confusion create chasms in the future. Be sure to actively listen to one another so that each party feels heard and understood.
Conflict
2. How do we want to handle conflict? How can we safely express frustrations and how can we smooth things over after a disagreement?
Conflict isn’t going anywhere. You are two different people with different views - and this diversity of thought is great for the business! But you need to have rules of engagement for conflict management. Successfully making amends after conflict can even deepen your partnership.
Work
3. When do you like to work and how do you like to be communicated with?
In the startup world things are moving fast and you’re working crazy hours. Knowing your co-founder’s preferences on what time of day they work best, how they want to balance work with their family life, and even expectations around vacation time are crucial. If one person is an early bird and the other a night owl, when is the optimal time for your daily stand up?
Money
4. What does money afford you? How do you define success?
Obviously you spend a lot of time discussing fund raising, burn rate, hiring decision, etc. But talking about what wealth means to you (more than just your respective salaries and ownership) and what success looks like will help you contextualize the other’s history and ideology around money.
Fun & Adventure
5. If we had a day to spare, how would you want to have fun? What kind of adventure could we go on together?
Sometimes work can just feel like an endless, mundane to-do list. It’s important to keep your vitality and motivation up, so what are some ways that you could introduce play? Try to commit to going on one of the adventures you list to remind yourself and your co-founder that you can have fun together too!
Dreams
6. What is the dream that you want to fulfill and why is it important to you?
Just like playing together gives you a greater sense of connection and knowing who the other person is, it’s also important to hear what dreams and goals they have outside of work. Not only can you support your co-founder in achieving their dreams but you can also recognize that people evolve as they become who they want to be. Each of you will change!
Being intentional about how you show up in your professional relationships can foster greater understanding and create a sense of connection. That connection is what will pull you through the dark times and keep your company afloat. Don’t underestimate the power of a solid relationship.
Haven’t met your dream co-founder yet? Y Combinator offers Co-Founder Matching!
References
