Being Authentic is not an Excuse to be an Asshole

Years ago I took an honesty pledge. I thought that telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth was the key to being a good human. No more white lies or cover up stories for why I couldn’t attend a particular work function. 

In many ways this was liberating - after spending all day standing at a tradeshow booth talking to potential clients I was exhausted. I told my team that I was tired and needed downtime, but hoped they all enjoyed the dinner out. I learned to set boundaries so that I could tap into my energy when I needed it and build reserves to call on later.

But telling the truth 100% of the time also created friction. While many valued my frankness, others said I was too direct. Maybe you have a team member at work that rubs you the wrong way. Do they bear the flag of authenticity to give themselves permission to do and say as they please? 

Being authentic and truthful is not an excuse to be an asshole. You may have a colleague who brushes off their controversial behavior with a shrug saying, “That’s just who I am!” Personally, I’m tired of people hiding behind their self-assigned labels to justify not acting like a team player. 

You probably have several people in mind already that you want to send this article to in the hopes they will see the error of their ways. I wish I had a magic wand that would make that possible! Sadly, you can only take responsibility for your own behavior. But just like your neighbor’s tidy yard inspires you to do a little weeding yourself, perhaps cleaning up your side of the street will inspire those around you.

So here’s the assignment for your next interaction at work:

Rather than simply asking, “Is what I’m about to say truthful?” try asking, “Is what I’m about to say also helpful?”

No? Then keep your mouth shut.

If in doubt, refer to the flowchart.